youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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