Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
