Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
