I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is wine microwaveable?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Terrible idea I love it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize