How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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