Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
