The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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