How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
