remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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