he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
