why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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