She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
