no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
