dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize