I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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