now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
