i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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