you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
