He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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