K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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