I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
