I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
