the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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