Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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