The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
