can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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