Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
