Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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