I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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