He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
