oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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