You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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