Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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