I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
