It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
