come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
