She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize