watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
