I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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