I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
