My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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