this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
