Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
