it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize