my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
