new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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