We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
