definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i've created a new STD.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize