You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
