Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't deserve a penis
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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