mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She even gives head with a lisp.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
