my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
