bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
