so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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