it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
