Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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