I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize