$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
