If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
