My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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