just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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