8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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