I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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