Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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