Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
