I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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