i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize