i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
