Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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