Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
