carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
