My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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