Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize