ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
