ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
