Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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