Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize