I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
