Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
