fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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