Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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