I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
