i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
