Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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