Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
