I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I need help removing her.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
